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My name is Yunyun.

Author: Yang Fudong 2003

1. My name is Yunyun. I have a lot of photos of my childhood. They are black and white, different from the world where I am living now.  I know very little about my childhood. Some friends say they have forgotten what happened in their childhoods. But I haven't.  I just can't recall them. Did they really happen?
I like watching the moon on the summer nights. But without any reason, I would feel lonely every time I see the face of the moon. That ‘s a strange feeling, impelling me to feel I have really discarded many things.

2. Every summer is the same.
One summer I got an earless rabbit.
I also ate a sesame ice-cream.
And one year in summer I married.
3. I like to cook for my husband, to hold him tightly in arms. He would not move. At that moment he looks like a huge bear, the toy I always want to have.
He always falls asleep when I am awake. So I never dream of him.
4. I don't have brothers or sisters. I am the only child in my family. I have a lot of food, toys. They all belong to me. My socks are red. My mug is the biggest. I am the only love of my parents. And now I want to be the only love of my husband.
I hate sharing things with others. Even though I feel lonely, I won't share things with others. I am used to living with myself.

5. It is a season of hats. All kinds of hats crawled out of each corner of the wardrobe.
I seldom goes out in summer. I am afraid of getting suntanned. Hat places shadow on my body. It is mine and always company me, like the auspicious clouds at the foot of the gods.
I have many kinds of hats. I like to watch people from under the hat. Yes, I am a dogface. I hold to my own kingdom and defend it against any violation.

6. There are miracles of magic in life, like the illusions in the mirror, however identical to the real world, actually a totally different place. My eyes can't see my teeth. But in the mirror, I see my teeth. They are broken, with many dark holes.
I went to see a dentist with depression. All the magic disappeared in front of him. I opened my mouth, but unable to speak one word. My ill teeth were grinded very small. My teeth which have grown up with me for decades were torn out.
Doctor said I would become prettier by the end of the summer.
I carried my grinded tiny teeth to eat sashimi. I often smile, showing them. They are mine. But I know I would never seen them again later.
Doctor will install new teeth for me. The tiny teeth will be wrapped. I lie in the therapentic chair, feeling lonely.
Magic mirror, magic mirror, please tell me, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?
It's Yunyun. You are the most beautiful.

7. I remember the witches in the fairy tales. They can control the forces of the nature, predict the future, and deprive others of their fruits and milk. They have countless magic powers. At night witches can fly to their amusement park, riding a broom.
I don't know why witches miss amusement park. If I could fly on a broom, I would not think of it all the time.  
Witches'powers are not always efficacious. Sometimes dirt would hinder their magic power.

8. I am skillful in disguising before I can learn the magic.
Sometimes I am a hunter, crossing the mountains and streams in the room. Imaginary enemies hide everywhere in the jungle. In the lamplight fat bats make every hunting night extremely meaningful.
Sometimes I an a ?; it grows the tail but loses its face.
Maybe people think you are silly, you know in fact they are more silly than you.

9. I play alone in my own world. I am happy.
Summer gifted me a dream. But I can't recall what it is, as I can't recall my childhood. Even every toy in the summer, everything in the memory gives no hint.
I want eternal life.
I don't want to be a short-lived particle of the dust. I want to live to the end of the universe. My sense and feeling would live for ever.
I will live with myself for ever.

10. A summer is the whole memory of a fish. They thoroughly remould themselves in summer and their fates change accordingly.
The most beautiful fishes of this city live in the aquarium.
I went to the aquarium to help them find memories of summer.
The color of the water dazzled me. All the fishes wear colorful clothes. They escaped my gaze. The sea is another kind of sky. They fly in it freely. No wind, only numerous floating lights.
All the stories start from a fragrant river. Wading the river, you see countless lotuses.
Summer is going to the end. How can they know? Their memories all still kept in my red backpack.

11. I like to read advertisements in the toilet. Any film about imagination I will not miss.
There are many people in the cinema. They eat the imagination of the film in the lighted night. I think they are funny because I eat only ice cream.  My imagination swings in every minute and every second of this summer.   But they only watch the movie.    
I make the sound of eating popcorns loud at the most exciting movement of the movie.
It's a long movie, lasting for an entire summer.

12. I finally come to the zoo. That is the last hot afternoon in this summer. I didn't meet any acquaintance.
I'm sure I came for a worm, a worm as old as I am. But no one knows my age.
That worm flies from another summer to date me. It glides from the branches and leaves of the woods. Its smell scatters in the fragrance of the grass and sunshine.
A lot of insects sang happily in a loud voice at the zoo in that summer evening.
I remember when I was very young my parents took me to a zoo, where I heard such a loud evening. In that instant flash I realized my dreams had already come to reality.
What I yearn for and chase after is not in the distant future, but in the remote past.

13. This is the last summer totally belonging to me. It has no difference from the previous summers.
I remember what my father told me many years ago. He once said, when you have children, you'll find your life continues in their lives. That is eternity.
Next summer I will have a child. I will buy her sesame ice-cream, tell her stories about witches and magics, take her to the zoo in the summer evening.  
Summer has passed away. Let's applaud.

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